i quit drugs for this?

5 Mar

in these hard economic times everyone has to make decisions they don’t want to make. i am no different. one fine and sunny afternoon while reading another poetry text (james tate’s ghost soldiers) i realized i was broke. not that it had anything to do with reading a poetry book, rather i paused just long enough to do some simple math.


still i am luckier than some, but things had to change. i had to make a decision.

recent revelations about my degree and lack of “real” experience suggested that i would not be able to find employment as a teacher, not without substantial begging, pleading, and coercion – none of which i am good at – and that played heavily into my sudden and absolute need for longterm employment.

for two years i have been working toward a Masters in Fine Arts, and now, suddenly, absolutely, it is for naught. of course the only upside is that i get to use the word naught in an essay. two years gone. two years. put aside the money, the cost (yes, separate things), and all the miscellaneous bullshit one mucks through thanks to the bureaucracy of a major University, and it is 730 days without refund. certainly there were shining moments. i can think of a few but they are not as related to education as they are to alcohol and large breasts.

the down side of going back to a moribund, nine to five j-o-b are many. normal hours of operation, inability to slack off and do nothing, and so on. plus i have to quit drugs, at least for the short term, and that is most annoying. although i get to go back to my real name so i suppose there is a certain freedom now that i can really piss off everyone when i write under my pen name. there won’t be any google searches by schools so i have that.

i know i shouldn’t complain. there are many that are worse off than me, and that pisses me off. everyone should have the chance to pursue a dream. but here’s the point (rare but true, i have a point) – if you have the chance to chase a dream, do a little research about what happens AFTER you complete all the tasks of acquiring a dream. and if it requires quiting drugs, you may want to rethink it. or, if you are an anti-drug person, and congrats on that, make sure you can get a job and actually survive.

my pursuits from here on out may be a little less interesting. the blogs will eventually close or just stop getting updated; someone else will take on the press; and life will really continue as it had been predestined. this certainly isn’t goodbye, just another realization, another drifting day filled with job applications and long lines of waiting.

as MONTY PYTHON put it so wisely in a song from “the life of Brian,”:

    Life’s a piece of shit
    When you look at it
    Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
    You’ll see it’s all a show
    Keep ’em laughing as you go
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you..

eric idle


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s